Friday, December 21, 2007 . 12/21/2007 10:04:00 pm

I haaaaaaaate homework! Argh! Why are we plagued with it? What the hell? It's the December holidays for goodness sake!!!

Argh. And tomorrow, the DiamondDust Rebellion is officially out. What the hell. And here I am plagued with homework. Banzai...NOT.

I think I'll just stare at my IchiRuki poster for a few moments just to calm down. Wait...I sound like a weirdo. 0.o

Yes, that poster is the same exact one that I have been waiting for a freaking long time. In the end, I just took the sample. There will be no more new stock anyways. Demo the sample has scratches on dear 'Chigo. Oowaahs~ T^T

Sigh. Sometimes I really wish that I am a much better person. I mean, so many people at school hate me that they torment me so. And I'm not all that fabulous anyways. What's the use of knowing all the lyrics to some anime songs but being told the next moment, "No offence, but your singing sucks." Geez. Arigatou gozaimasu. That made my day. Not.

And I can't draw well, though yes, the librarian told me blah blah blah, but without reference, I really just can't draw. I really wish I can draw fanart someday.

Also, I feel that I'm fat and ugly, and that is why though I want to cosplay, I don't dare too. Though I like miniskirts, I don't dare to wear them. But stubborn me just will NEVER go for plastic surgery. Never.

I dream of the day when I can finally wear Byachi's (Ahem. Byakuya. Sorry, can't help but give him a nice little nickname. Just like Ichigo has 'Chigo, Rukia has 'Kia and Renji has 'Ren-Ren'. XP)(Ok, I admit, Byachi wasn't thought up by me. Gomene!! But credits go to that person. I forgot who. Gomene for using it without your permission. Kill me if you want!!><)(By the way, I don't mean really kill me.)captain robes and his dear sweet kenseikan. I saw a Byachi plush doll once. KYAAA~! I regret not buying it. T^T

Hmm, seems like I can die of depression if I go on. Listening to sad music does NOT help at all.

That and my teacher hasn't replied to my problem yet. Sigh.

I don't know what to do. Some peoples' lives are filled with joy and happiness. It seems that I am the only one in my class like this. It's amazing that I have not started slashing myself yet.

That or I'm afraid of pain. XD

Wow. My humor's still intact. Not bad.

Ahem. Anyways, back to the topic. Because of that, I sometimes wish and wish and start daydreaming that the Bleach cast blah blah blah, which results in my worrying of me going insane. (See post just below.) And, because of that, I get frustrated. I get the feeling that no one understands me. Which results in me creating even more imaginary characters to calm me and 'understand' me. Which results in me worrying for my sanity. And it just goes on and on in a loop. UNTIL! I can't stand it anymore and I start rebelling. So, Dad and Mum, read this please. But not in front of me, of course. I'd hate that. I don't know why, so don't ask me.

I can write Byachi's, Hisana's, Rukia's, Renji's and 'Chigo's FULL name in Jap. And a few others too. I find Hisana's chinese version of her name quite nice.=)

MAAAAAAATTE! I am still random. Hey, not bad! In my depression, I can still have my (weird) sense of humor and randomness. And sarcasm.

Anyways, what were we talking about?...Ah yes! Hisana. I might want to name my future daughter after her.

However, there's one major problem. I don't want to get married. XD

Also, if I really did get married, I'm afraid my child will be a rebel like me. Teenagers rebel. It's normal. (I always say that teenagers who don't rebel are abnormal. Gomene!! I was always in a rage (of rebellion...DiamondDust R- Ahem. Sorry.)whenever I said that. I guess you can guess why...)Look! Even anime characters rebel! 'Chigo rebels!! So, dad and mum, I know you guys do not rebel when you were teens etc etc, but that was another age. Grow u-, I mean, face it!

...What's gotten into me?

What the hell. I've written far into my essay to find that I am OFF TOPIC! ARARA!!(That's what I say when I'm angry...sometimes. Also, under the influence of Uchiha Xairylle's fanfics, I say 'Ara!' too. I bet my sis finds it annoying. XD)

Speaking of my sis...she always seems to find me...something...because I like acting like anime chars. (NOT impersonating. ACTING. I don't walk around and say,"Konnichiwa. Watashi wa Kuchiki Rukia desu. Ogenki desu ka?"), which she finds STUPID. Sometimes I find her really irritating. But she's my only sister, and younger sister. 'Chigo, in his rebellious state, still cares about his sisters. I should too. But sometimes I just can't, you know. I try to not get mad, but after a few seconds, I go mad. I should go for 'endurance' class. Hmm...

Wow, I typed a lot today, huh?

Must hurry up with hw!! But sometimes, my mind doesn't cooperate...Sigh...

I feel that I am dying of depression. I need someone REAL, not a figment of my mind's work, to REALLY understand me. Who?!

New resolution list for New year: (I checked the last one. That was written when I still wasn't rebelling. A hell lot has changed since then.)
1. For whoever-and-whatever's sake, PLEASE be a better person.
2. STOP being so lazy.
3. Do more of my hobbies! If I have more things to occupy my mid, then I won't daydream that much, and...you know what? My hobby is daydreaming...=.=
4. Get into the pure science stream next next year. Ganbatte~! (Yes, streaming is next year.)
5. Update on FF.net more.
6. Write better stories.
7. Take better control of my life. Don't get tormented so easily. Be like 'Chigo! Or Byachi!...Wait, I guess that's why I'm so cold nowadays. Oops...
8. Get into GZ Performing Group next next year. In other words, selection is next year. ARA! Ganbatte~!
9. Learn coding! I want to finally code my own blogskin. However, no matter how many books I read on it, I still don't understand. Umm, a little help here please?
10. Find a counselor. Learn anger management.
11. Find an EXPERT (Yes, I'm that hopeless, according to me)singing teacher to PERFECT my voice so I can finally SHOW-OFF(...0.o) that I DO know the lyrics to anime music!
12. Draw well~ I really want to draw fanart. Really really want to.
13. Go to at least ONE Bleach/IchiRuki festival/convention. I'm that hopeless. I know.
14. Make a snow angel. (I'm pathetic! I know! It doesn't snow here, you know?!)
15. Grow slimmer. Please. Onegai. Qiu qiu ni. Or the equal of it in other languages.
16. Get STRAIGHT A1s AGAIN for Jap.
17. Get into top 3 of class and top 10 of level next year. Overall.

I better not put anymore in. I might die. 0.o

Jaa...I'm tired. Leave poor por me be.

---Amberle-chan